Paranoia

I have always been a paranoid person. Sure, we have those moments where we're afraid we might lost an item like an earring (I constantly check my ears every few minutes to make sure my flesh tunnels are still there). But I think paranoia has taken over most of my life. Every move I make, I have at least two horrible things that can happen pass through my mind.

For example, when I'm walking or running, what if I trip and break my kneecap. I don't want to sleep and fall. Look, I'm in a car... What if we get into a car accident and my legs break? My arms?! I need those! Now we're on a plane and I'm sitting there not only going crazy because of my motion sickness, but what happens when the engine malfunctions and we crash?! Can I still use my cellphone to make the last call of my life? Whenever I walk by a gas station, I'm always afraid it will explode. When I'm in a bank, I pray there won't be any robbers. When I'm near power tools... I stand back. If there's a kitchen knife pointing at me on the table, I move it to face away from me. When I book a hotel room, I always look under the bed and hope it's not haunted by the dead body inside the mattress. Elevators. Escalators. This bus might have a suicide bomber on it. Look at that wall, it has gang tagging WE'RE IN GANG TERRITORY RUN.

Basically, I'm stuck thinking my world if a Final Destination movie. Those films do horrible things to a person and I can't kill myself either because death is SO CRUEL. WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE IN HORRIBLE WAYS.

Parents

You ever go through a time when your parents are in distress over something like the bills and they're all crazy about it? They're yelling and screaming and blaming each other and you just want to them shut up? Then there's you, sitting in the corner with a simple solution to all their problems in your head but because they think you're too young/stupid to understand what they're going through, they don't give you a chance to speak and just ignore you? Then many frustrating hours/days later they miraculously come up with an idea that was exactly like your solution but they will never know that because they never gave you the chance?

It happens to me all the time. It doesn't even work when I start screaming my ideas at them. They think I'm too naive to know anything and when they do listen, they always have some way to make my solutions useless. Then when they actually come up with the same solution themselves much later on, they don't even acknowledge that I told them in the first place.

This has actually made me very bitter about my parents and even my brother, who thinks that just because he's older and has a job, he knows more than me. I don't even want to waste my breath anymore trying to correct them. If they want me to learn from my mistakes, then they can learn from their own.